my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
