Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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