I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
