now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
two words: eviction party
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
