come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
