Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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