Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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