Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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