What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
