Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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