My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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