so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
