so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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