I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
