well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
