I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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