i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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