u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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