Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
