my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
