I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
