we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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