im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
