thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
