??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
