btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
