found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
