Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
