One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
