It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
