they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
