beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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