if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
