So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
