Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
