I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
