i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
