....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
