I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
