Your dad touched me again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You ruined the universe
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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