I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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