East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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