If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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