Whod you bang
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
