i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
