At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
