I was born with a shot glass in my hand
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
