I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
