Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
