You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
