I think i peed on brittanys purse
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
