I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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