It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
