guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
