the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
