I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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