I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
